“Didi mere admi ne mujhe aaj phir se mara (Didi my husband hit me again today).” That’s what my maid told me this morning. I had asked her why her left eye was swollen and her body had bruises. Is this what a woman is living for, are woman bound be victimized by the stronger sex? These are a few of many questions that come to me.

We often hear or even witness a woman getting beaten up by her admi (husband) but we either like to be spectators or just say “ye inke ghar ka mamla, isme mat pado (It is their own business, let us not interfere).” Domestic violence is very common in a society where women are mostly submissive and the men, in most cases the sole breadwinner, are a dominant lot. Men believe that by beating up their wives black n’ blue, they show their power. Police officers, social entities or the government is mighty reluctant to interfere in family matters; they may send the couple for counseling in extreme cases. The woman, in most cases, is dead scared to file a complaint or even think of initiating the process of criminal justice. There are so many cases that go unheard because women in our country don’t want to react. They are scared of further abuse and restrain themselves thinking of their children. Although the woman is always the primary victim, the violence is at times directed towards the children or some other family members as well.

The aftereffects of domestic violence can be hugely traumatic. The trauma stays with the victim for her entire life. The establishment of control and fear over a woman or someone helpless through violence and other forms of abuse can leave deep scars and mar the person’s soul forever. So many times, domestic violence isn't just about hitting, fighting, abusing or just arguing. It's an absolute abuse of power, that which the elder adult or the stronger sex thinks is supreme within him.

If anyone is being abused, they need to remember that they are not alone and that they don’t need to bear the suffering in silence. They often think it’s their fault that they get abused because they deserve it. There can’t be any logic behind such thoughts. They need to ask for help because it is available. Women need to get more secure about themselves. They must be ready to fight without worrying about the consequences.

Back to my maid, she still gets hit by her husband almost every other day. She stops coming to work for days and when she comes she cries. But still when I tell her to leave him – she smiles uneasily. She would discuss elaborate schemes of how she plans to take her daughter with her and work as a live-in nanny. However, after a few days she forgets her resolve – till the day he hits her again. She will berate her fate but not her husband – she will think of ending her life but not ending the life she shares with her abusive husband. And the cycle continues.